Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Clearly, we need to ban golf clubs.

Next thing you know kids will be putting "gangsta style" and rappers will be mentioning Callaway instead of Glock. No one really needs a full set of golf clubs, especially in those high-capacity golf bags. Those caddies you see? They're nothing but pimps for the golf industry. They're always whispering the siren song of golf into the player's ear, like a devil on your shoulder. There will be drive-by chip shots before you know it. Kids will be getting four-ironed for wearing the wrong color of plaid trousers at Illini Country Club! Lincoln Greens will run red with blood! Panic! Mayhem! Cats and dogs living together! MASS HYSTERIA!

Wait, what do you mean that Michael Pfleger and other assorted politicians hiding behind religious garb haven't gone on a hunger strike to protest golf violence? There's no Campaign to Prevent Golf Violence funded by the Joyce foundation? Seriously? Whoa.

*the preceding is satire in crudest form*

Blaming the gun is just as stupid as blaming the golf club. It's the person who uses the golf club improperly that is the problem. Hoplophobic news writers will never explain that, though. My guess is that they focus on the gun because it can't defend itself in print or on television. It can't call the writer on factual errors, nor can it talk back on tv and make its case worse or better. Blaming the gun is the lazy way to complete an article I suppose.

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