I'd like to think this guy was being facetious, I really would. However, there's just something in there that honestly makes this guy think he's on the right track. Let's see... how about this?
Now, how would one disarm the American population? First of all, federal or state laws would need to make it a crime punishable by a $1,000 fine and one year in prison per weapon to possess a firearm. The population would then be given three months to turn in their guns, without penalty.Someone's clearly not understood one of the reasons that we had those battles at Lexington and Concord. It became illegal for men to keep arms in their homes.
Oh, how about this?
All antique or interesting non-hunting weapons would be required to be delivered to a local or regional museum, also to be under strict 24-hour-a-day guard. There they would be on display, if the owner desired, as part of an interesting exhibit of antique American weapons, as family heirlooms from proud wars past or as part of collections.See, that's where I thought he was making an actual joke of the column, as there's no point to buying the guns in the first place. However, I fear that's exactly why he calls for the guns to go to immediate confiscation. He wants his lessers to waste their money because it allows him to get the smug little grin that's reinforced with extra sanctimoniousness.
Gun dealers could continue their work, selling hunting and antique firearms. They would be required to maintain very tight inventories. Any gun sold would be delivered immediately by the dealer to the nearest arsenal or the museum, not to the buyer.
And I really love this:
The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Special squads of police would be formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building. All firearms would be seized. The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm.I don't know of too many cops who are this suicidal, or who don't realize they'll be next one way or another. So this leads me back to the "He's got to be joking" rationale. That repeated mantra of a fine and jail is what makes it seem like he's not joking.
Clearly, since such sweeps could not take place all across the country at the same time. But fairly quickly there would begin to be gun-swept, gun-free areas where there should be no firearms. If there were, those carrying them would be subject to quick confiscation and prosecution. On the streets it would be a question of stop-and-search of anyone, even grandma with her walker, with the same penalties for "carrying."
I should admit that I don't hunt for food (ducks, rabbit, deer, etc.) or pest control (coyotes, feral pigs, rabbits, etc.). Maybe I will within a few years, I don't know. I do think the author should apologize to the hunters out there in regards to his comments of "blowing away animals with high-powered weapons," "taking a quick look at each hunter to try to affirm that he was not obviously unhinged," as well as the whole crack about the hunters using hunting seasons as time for killing people who they don't like. We hear enough of this crap on television.
For the sake of many gun owners and their blood pressure, I'd honestly hope he was trying to channel Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" when he wrote this piece. However, if Mr. Simpson is serious in this endeavor, I think he'll find that his fellow Americans will accommodate him by giving him their guns. It will just be bullets-first in his case as well as those trying to follow his orders. The satire is lost early in the writing if that was his intent. If he's trying to get himself killed for the cause of gun confiscation, I'd honestly have to wonder about Mr. Simpson's sanity. Hmm. Maybe he's the one who's unhinged?
I am feeling rather uncharitable towards Dan Simpson at the moment, but I'll forgive him for being unable to tell a joke in public.